PIRANHA 3D / ****

Director Alexandre Aja’s “Piranha 3D” is the kind of movie that defies the star rating system. I’ve assigned it a rating out of habit and a critic’s compulsive need to rank everything, but “Piranha 3D” is a true love it or hate it, pass or fail kind of movie. Chances are, if you’re excited about the prospects of lots of boobs and blood in a 3D horror comedy called “Piranha 3D,” you’ll have a good time, and if you’re not excited by those prospects why would you go in the first place?

Of course the piranhas appear at the worst possible time: Spring Break. Officer Julie Forester (Elisasbeth Shue) and Deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) have enough troubles on their mind with 20,000 extra teenagers in town when some kind of Underwaterologists lead by Novak (Adam Scott) show up in town to explore an underwater cave that broke open after a recent earthquake.

Unfortunately, a group of prehistoric piranhas that have been trapped for millions of years are now unleashed in the lake. It’s a good thing the town has a loony old scientist named Mr. Goodman (Christopher Lloyd, who knows a thing or two about playing a loony old scientist) to explain the origins of these aggressive creatures.

Meanwhile, Forester is relying on her son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) to watch the Laura (Brookylnn Proulx) and Zane (Sage Ryan) while she patrols the lake, a task he is charged with every year, and thus he does not get to participate in spring break activities. When he is approached by “filmmaker” Derrick Jones (a hilariously over-the-top Jerry O’Connell) to be their local guide during the film shoot, it is too good of an opportunity to pass up – particularly due to the presence of Danni (Kelly Brook) and Crystal (Riley Steele). Derrick also convinces Jake’s crush Kelly (Jessica Szohr) to come along.

This is a relatively quick setup to a classically blood soaked campy horror movie that knows exactly what it is and doesn’t try to be anything more. This is the most fun I’ve had at the movies all summer.

Theater: RMP Festival Plaza 16, Montgomery, Alabama
Time: 1201 am
Date: August 19, 2010 (quality check)